Memoirs Of A Villain: Team Rocket!

“To protect the World from devastation,”

“To Unite all people within our nation,”

“To denounce the evils of truth and love,”

“To extend our reach to the stars above,”

“Jesse!”

“James!”

“Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light,”

“Surrender Now or prepare to fight,”

“Meowth That’s Right!”

 

“Actually, that’s wrong! For years we have been persecuted and tried!”

“For working and providing for our families and lives!”

“We’ve traveled the world but our story is still untold”

“Giovanni makes it hard to break from his mold”

“Jesse!”

“James!”

“Team Rocket’s Memoirs are finally coming out!”

“Sit back, relax and get those check books out!”

“Meowth, $25.99 is the amount!”  Meowth

 

Jesse: “Where to begin? Oh I know, from the beginning. I was a child star, Little Miss Gorgeous and my mother always dressed me in the best costumes for the Pageant.”

 

Meowth: “Ah, that explains our clever disguises. Jesse is Master of Disguise and Beauty!”

 

James: “Jesse, I didn’t know that you were a pageant queen.”

 

Jesse: “Yes, I was on top of my regional circuit until….”

 

*James and Meowth snack on popcorn*

 

Jesse: (In melody) “I once was a beauty queen, with the best hair and skin ever seen, the last time I accepted the crown…. WAS WHEN SOCIETY LET ME DOWN!”

 

James: “Meowth stop chewing with your mouth open, it’s getting good and I can’t hear.”

 

Jesse: “ No one paid attention to me, when I was giving my acceptance speech, everyone was to preoccupied, with the Eevee that wandered inside, she’s so cute, she’s so soft, the idiots said, the presenter didn’t even put the CROWN ON MY HEAD!!!!!”

 

James: Disgusting!

 

Meowth: Yeah, truly despicable!

Jesse: “Alas, the light! I saw a job posting while walking in the rain, Giovanni is looking for recruits, I finally see what I can do to feel strong, and I joined the Team Rocket Crew!”

 

James and Meowth: “Whoop, Whoop, Go Team Rocket!”

 

Jesse: “Pokemon are disgusting things and now we’ll find them a home, Giovanni’s making all types of bread and we get paid to steal em, bag em and ship them off!”

 

Meowth: “That didn’t rhyme.”

 

Jesse: Shut Up! What’s your story James!

 

James: My Name is James and I…”

 

Meowth: “Wait! We already covered this before!”

 

Jesse and James: “We Have?”

 

Meowth: Yes! Remember that crazy Jessibelle that kept chasing James around when we found out he was loaded? jessiebelle

 

Jesse: Oh yeah! The “Holy Matrimony” episode.

 

James: With that method, that means we have heard your story before too Meowth! How you were abandoned and learned to speak English.

 

Meowth: Yea! So Jesse is the only one without an origins story.

 

Jesse: It’s because the world is ugly and cruel. No one appreciates a raw gem of beauty anymore.

 

James & Meowth: We appreciate you Jesse!

 

Meowth: You see, we’re not villains just victims of circumstance. We have to make a living, so we’re forced into the position of kidnapping Pokemon.

 

James: But that’s where you all can help!

 

Jesse: You can help us leave this life of crime and fulfill our dreams. You can restore my hope in humanity.

 

Meowth: All you have to do is purchase our Memoirs and we can collect enough money to go straight!

Jesse: Send your payments to 123 Villains St in Johto and make the checks payable to Team Rocket.

 

James: We humbly thank you for helping us!

 

Meowth: Oh yeah, it may take 2- 1 million business days for you to receive your copy of our book. All payments are final! Team Rocket is not responsible for lost, stolen or never sent books. There is a predetermined amount of money needed for us to go straight which can change at any time.

 

Team Rocket’s Blasting Off Againnnnnnn!

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